barbara walters just said penis...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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