he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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