Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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