she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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