oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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