gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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