You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
