Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
