Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
