Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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