Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
