You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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