ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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