Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
