drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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