its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
