whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
