God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
