i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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