if i can run in heels then i can drive
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
