FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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