I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
