bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
