you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There r osticjed everywhere
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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