last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
