He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
