She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
