You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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