i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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