as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
