Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
