I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i believe in u and ur pee
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