You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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