Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
