I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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