White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize