hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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