I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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