god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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