how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
