my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
