I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
