Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
