do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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