She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its not stalking. its research.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
