EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
