We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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