So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
