My balls are so social today.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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