I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In other news, I just burned my penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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