My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
