You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
