so explain again why im purple
no
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
