if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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