We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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