I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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