Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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