I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We have started to decorate penises.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
