I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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