hotel room ftw
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
